He disabled his match.com account in front of me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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