Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize