so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
