Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
