I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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