today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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