she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
