It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
