Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
