I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
