we have officially lost it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
