so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
