I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
