One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
