On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
