my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
