How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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