I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
