Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
