He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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