Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
