Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
