I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
