he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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