The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
