i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
