"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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