i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
