saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
