nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
