Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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