I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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