i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I faked an abortion last night.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
