You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize