'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
