No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
