i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
