hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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