Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
