Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
