in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
