hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
