on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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