And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
