Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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