I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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