worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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