okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
