Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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