Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize