she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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