He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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