oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
