i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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