i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
