friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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