whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
wow bdsm is so cute
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
