Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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