New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
