What did we do last night that was yellow?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize