We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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