Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When are your genitals available?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
