your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Alive.
So much puke
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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