I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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