either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
