okay pat passed out under dana's car
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
