How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
