Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
