escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just gargled with NyQuil
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